#31 Discovering Menopause - featuring Carly Tait

Former elite athlete, Carly Tait tells her lived experience of menopause.

Now 37, Carly is post menopause. When she was  experiencing peri menopause, the help was not there for her. She was not given the advice she would have wanted.

To this day, it impacts Carly.

Carly fights for inclusion within her career role, but the advice was not there for her. Blaming it on training patterns for forthcoming international games when she questioned medical professionals who were responsible for international athletes.

This was recorded as part of an Anll4Inclusion webinar in December.

One of our commitments for this year is to get more lived experience stories like Carly's available for more people to be able to listen. To educate partners, businesses and friends.

We want people to know the experience is different for everyone and reasonable adjustments should be made in the workplace.

Voiceover for intro and outro by Jennie Eriksen | LinkedIn

Music granted free of charge very kindly by Music: https://www.purple-planet.com . The track is called Hope and Inspire.

Transcript

Scott Whitney: 0:46

Hello welcome to this, week's aAll4Inclusion pod. So this episode, Is called Discovering Menopause. So, why is it called discovering menopause? Well, so it's my journey trying to discover more and understand menopause better so I can support family friends, colleagues. And this week's podcast was recorded initially in December. It was part of an All4Inclusion webinar, which we put on, on the subject of menopause organized by Sandra Bentley. We had three amazing speakers. We had Sarah Cox. Carly Tait, who you will hear from shortly and Michelle Jones. So cCarly was a professional athlete. And she will tell you her story that still impacts her to this very day. She will talk about professionals that she spoke with. She will talk about how she felt. And how she still feels. She'll talk about some of the symptoms that you may or may not hear people discuss. And. She will also. Just just really just tell you how it was for her and, and the neglect that she felt at the time. So before going on I guess you know, It's worth pointing out that menopause impacts people of all ages. It also can impact people very, very differently. So, this is how it impacted Carly. It may not be how it impacts you, your partner or any of your friends? But I'm sure there will be some similarities some times when something that Carly says might make you think. I want to go. And I want to ask that question. To a health professional. And just remember if that health professional. It doesn't give you the answers that you want. You are entitled to ask to speak to someone different. So. I'll let you listen to Carly. She is there with Sandie Roberts who hosted this webinar. And, uh, And i'll speak to you after you finished listening to

Carly Tait: 3:51

Carly Thanks Sandy. So, Sarah has touched on a lot of those instances where menopause impacts younger people. I am in that bracket. So I am in that 1%. So I was diagnosed with premature ovarian insufficiency at 32 after the birth of my son. So what I am gonna talk about in a bit of a story, because I think my story is a case of, of catastrophic medical neglect and it has completely changed my life. Um, for at the moment I can't find a lot of positive reasons to be honest. So if I get emotional you're just gonna have to deal with it. Because, my son turned four yesterday, and I'm really struggling with the idea. Well, it's not an idea, it's a fact. I'm really struggling with infertility in particular because I wanted more children and I have been going on IVF journeys with donors and they've not been successful. So I actually bring to the table the sort of, I don't know, the, the life picture of actually how, how it is much bigger than what we all call, well not all of us here, maybe in this room, but what a lot of people flippantly call the change. Like for me it's, it's way bigger than the change and it's actually quite serious. So I'm just sort of gonna offer my perspective as a story because I do believe that menopause is heavily linked to puberty and also your experience with menstrual symptoms when you were younger. So I think periods and menopause are linked, so, and it's been a massive journey to even being diagnosed, to be honest with you. So it hasn't been easy and I've been fobbed off at every stage, so maybe this might offer some different narative on it. So, I started periods tat a normal, kind of normal, age, late, like yeah, 14 started periods at 14 and from the first one until I decided to go on the pill at 18 they were terrible so I was very hormonal. Puberty was awful for me. I remember being quite hormonal and moody, but also very, very polar in the sense that I would kind of go from one extreme to the other quite quickly. And my periods were terrible. So I would, bleed for 10 days, quite heavily. So I, I would not be able to sneeze or laugh or climb the stairs or, I'd have a set alarms at night to remember to change because I would just bleed through all my bed clothes and sheets. And, that went on for a couple of years. I didn't actually know that none of this was normal, or not normal. I have five sisters and none of my sisters would talk about it. So I didn't actually know that. I didn't talk to my mum about it, so I just had no idea. And then one day I had such a bad period at my dad's house that he was like, I think you need to go to the doctors. And I was 15. And I went to the doctors and I eventually got diagnosed with, anemia because I was just so exhausted because not only was I bleeding so much, I would have very short cycles. So I would have maybe a cycle every 14 to 20 days. But basically I would bleed every day of the moment, practically, maybe a few day break. And then I just got so sick of it that went on the pill and that was the only option that was given to me at the time. I also took something called Tranexamic acid, which is basically gonna reduce the flow. So as a 15 year old I was on toward 10 pills a day and to anemia, tablets, all of that. So when the doctor said, actually, you can just go on the pill at 18, I thought anything to stop them, just get rid of them. You know, they went on the pill at 18 and didn't think about it. And I worked in marketing, so I had like quite a similar sort of corporate job, you know? And I didn't think too much of the fact that I was on the pill because as a child, as a girl specifically, you are taught how not to get pregnant. So back school I was just like, oh, I'm alright cause I'm on the pill, or I'm at college, I'm all right, I'm on the pill. So I did have that protection, but it wasn't because I had an active sex life. It was just to stop periods. And I just didn't really think about kids at all. And I got to 27 and I had a few boyfriends and stuff like normal, but I had this sort of big life change in that I decided to go into athletics off the back of London 2012, which is another story in itself. So it's not about that journey, but what that meant was I sort of quite quickly from about 27, I had led a very sedentary life, so not very physically active, hated sport and then I decided to be a sports person. So overnight I started training at a track. And so it, it, my peak levels, I was doing upwards of half a marathon a day and I was competing and training internationally. And I, I had got onto the world class program at British Athletics. So, that was pretty exciting. But one big aspect of athletics is what you put into your body. So they would say, are you on anything? And I would be like, oh, just contraception. And you are very heavily watched by WADA who are the doping agency. And because I was becoming quite elite and I was sort of high up in the rankings, I knew that WADA could knock on the door and test me for anything. So I thought what I'm gonna do is I'm just gonna come off the pill even though it's safe, it's approved I thought, well actually this is a hormone pill that I actually haven't got a clue what it does. No, I wasn't having periods and I probably having like an outbreak, whatever you call it, you know that in the, if you stop taking the pill, you have a bleed. Bleed, one of those. So sometimes though, when I was training and competing, I would choose not to and I would run the pack so that I just didn't bleed for, sometimes I didn't bleed for months, like half a year anyway, so I came off the pill. At 29 and when I came off the pill, my periods returned, but never, never regularly. So they were different this time. So they weren't every 20 days or 14 days. They were like 30, 35 and to be honest, I didn't really keep watch because all I wanted to do was get to the Paralympics. So at 31, I still wasn't thinking about kids. I was thinking about getting on that start line being selected. So, I kind of just kept my eye on it in a sense that I just needed to know when they would coming. Like, are they gonna conflict with a big Grand Prix or a big World Championship, you know, cause you don't want it then. And when I was sort of training and competing in Switzerland when I was 30, so in my 2016 year, this is before I'd been selected for Rio, I started talking to some of the mums. So I was, because I was 30, I would gravitate towards the mums and not the kids. Cuz a lot of the kids in British athletics were a lot younger. So I would sort of talk to the mums and I remember saying to this one woman, do you know what Bernie, I don't think I've had a period in about 60 days. Is that normal? Do you think? I'm like, something going on there. Like, do you think, do you feel like maybe menopause? And she went, no, not, not at all. But I said, well, I am bothered by it because why had it been that long? So that that day I managed to get in front of the doctor at British Athletics because you have on tap access to experts and medical professionals and they ask you some questions about your life and you're cycles, but there's never any testing so they don't test your hormone levels, which blows my mind. And I said to the doctor, I haven't had a cycle for about 60 days. And actually if I think back, I, that's happened before. And I said, do you think it might be something to do with menopause? And she, she said, no, it's your training. You are training so hard and so long and fast and all the time constant. Your body has sort of is, sort of you. There's evidence of amenorrhea there, so don't worry about it. So I didn't, so when I got to 31, when I finished the Paralympics, I decided to do another year, and then I retired. And when I retired I knew that my partner wanted a baby. And I kind of did it. I I did, to be honest. Cause I knew I wasn't gonna have a baby while I was training. I would, I, I would a wheelchair racer so you practically cannot compete with a baby belly. So I knew absolutely cannot get pregnant in this little window. But as soon as I retired, I had like a few, three months of party and I'm like, oh, you know, back to civilian life. And I loved it. I was like, oh, thank God I'm not shackled by the regime anymore. And I just, I just had fun for three months, you know? And it, I remember it weirdly, when we agreed to start trying for a baby, it was January, 2018. And the reason why we agreed to start is because when I retired in athletics, my periods came back for four months, regular like clockwork. And I went, maybe it was athletics after of all, it was 28 days. They were regular so I was like, right, that's green light. Let's crack on so were did and then they disappeared again. They disappeared in the December, but we only started trying in the January and they disappeared for 60 70 days this time. So I took a pregnancy test and it was negative. So I then decided to, activate the GP and they said, you think we it, you might have PCOS here. So I thought, oh, well, no one said anything about PCOS ever in my lifetime, so, okay, maybe, maybe it is PCOS. So I got investigated for PCOS and I had, blood tests and that's, and all of that, still didn't have periods. So we'll get into February now. So, I hadn't had a period for three months and then when they, the bloods came back slightly elevated. So they said, actually, yeah, you're showing some signs of PCOS with your testosterone so we are going to send you for an ultrasound scan. I said, okay. In the meantime, I went on a girl's boozy holiday, came back from the girl's boozy holiday. I had been the most poorly I've ever been on this holiday. My friend came out well, clearly you just can't handle your booze anymore as a former athlete. So I came home, came back and I had the ultrasound, but I said to the doctor, you know what, I'm really poorly dizzy, nauseous weight gain you see where I'm going with this And they couldn't find any sign of PCOS on this scan. So I was like, do you know what? I'm going private. So I went private through my partner's healthcare and I went to see a fertility doctor. Who was also a menopause, not a menopause specialist, but gynecology specialist. And I started the whole investigation again. I said, right. My GP said, it's not PCOS still not having period. I've taken two pregnancy tests, I'm not pregnant. What is going on? Four weeks later, come back in, we're gonna do a scan for an ovarian cyst. I was like, oh God, like an ovarian cyst. What, what's, what's going on? So I made my partner wait outside the room. Cause I was like, well, it's akin to a smear. I mean, you don't really need to come in, do you for this? And they scanned me with a wand. And um, they found a 12 week old baby in there and they said, oh my goodness. You're pregnant. And I brought Matthew, my partner into the room and I was like, oh they found something and because I couldn't get my words out, he thought I had a tumor. And I was like, I mean, I mean it's something good. And then I, from that day I was pregnant. Carry on your merry way. And that doctor given all my history, never once said, that's not normal to get pregnant. Having not had a period for three months. So no one said anything. I like, oh yes, my body is calibrating after sport. It's, it was that had the baby and I with breastfeeding so you don't get periods, as regular with breastfeeding. But I can tell you probably from about 10 days in after the birth of my son, I went down a very significant black hole, which went on for months. I had severe depression, I had suicidal thoughts I had massive, massive anxiety. Everyone was telling me it was postnatal, it completely was not. I tried to climb out of the bedroom window because I thought that the house was on fire and I needed to be able to get my son out. Um, no. If I think back to it, it's, it's not normal. It's not. There's so many signs there. I had brain fog. I couldn't remember the word for the window. I was like that pane of glass rather than the name window. I, I had no libido, zero libido, which I know new moms have zero libido, but I mean, we're talking eight months in to being a mom. No libido, fatigue, like you wouldn't believe, but everyone would put it down as baby. So I was so desperate that I went to A and E and I said, you've got to help me. I'm gonna do something. I, at this point, I was self harming anyway, but I had got to 32 and never had mental health difficulties or had even done anything like self-harming. So, so, what's up, what's up with that. But my periods still hadn't returned. A year later they hadn't returned, and then the GP gave me Anti Depressents and I felt a lot better, to be honest. Not well, but better. And I got to a place where actually I thought, I've got through that and I want another baby. So I was like, Babe, can we have another baby? And we started the second, you know, trying to conceive journey. And I went straight to a private doctor this time, a different one, and I said, I'm fine to conceive, but I had a few issues the first time, can you just help me see if there's anything wrong? And within six weeks she'd done two blood tests to assess my FSH level and my FSH level was that of a seventy year old. So my FSH level were through the roof, and I was diagnosed with POI, but I was technically postmenopausal by 32. So what I'm saying is that when you. Knowledge is power, because I definitely didn't have any understanding of any type of menstrual impact or even what menopause looks like. But I just wasn't equipped, but so were none of the experts around me. So it wasn't just me that wasn't equipped, it was the institutions that I were around. It was the complete lack of care for women's issues. It was the way that women are erased and dismissed a lot in the conversation. And it has an impact because now two years later, I've got failed IVF cycles under my belt. I've got osteopenia. I've got no clarity as to why I have POI other than I'm told that 90% of women don't have a reason that it's idiopathic. There's no genetic link. My mom's the most fertile woman on the planet. She had her sixth baby at 37, and I'm 37 this in a couple of weeks. So I'm a bit like I've lost my opportunity. But what is an, what angers me about it is that complete lack of any type of research or any type of like, ongoing investment in women's health. And when I raised it at 29 30, when I came off the pill and I raised it and said, things aren't right, I was dismissed, but that would've been my window for freezing what was left. So it does have real ramifications if women are not empowered, but also if other people around us are not empowered. So I'm aware that I've probably taken ages telling you that story, but it was so complex. I couldn't just be like, yeah, I've gone through it because it's, everything's so linked. You know, hindsight is a wonderful thing.

Sandie Roberts: 23:45

No, thank you. I was no way gonna cut you short, Carly, from telling us that story. Thank you so much for trusting us with,with that story that you've shared there. Feel very honored that you, I feel a bit emotional about that, but, um, almost.

Carly Tait: 24:08

Me too. Me too. Like my little boy turned four yesterday and I'm just like, oh my God. I'm out of the baby stage and I'm just desperate for a baby. Like, it's so hard to be so desperate for something.

Sandie Roberts: 24:21

Oh know. I know, I know that feeling very well.

Carly Tait: 24:24

It's horrible and I'm just like, I feel so lucky. I do, but I, I think menopause is not just menopause, it's. It's your health, your brain health, your, your body health, your biological health. It's fertility, it's hormonal health. There's so many other things that go around it. Then we talk about menopause in silo, and it isn't a silo thing.

Sandie Roberts: 24:47

I mean, you touched on, a very, you know, a universal subject there, which is medical trauma and gas lighting. And as women, we, we are invisible. We are ignored. We are, it's, it's documented and it's been going on for centuries. Again, I, I really hope that what we are doing now is going to have an impact. I don't think it's going to turn it on its head. I'm not naive enough to think that, but I do think that we, are going to help start the change. So, I think from your story, I'm, I'm hoping, Carly, that it will help educate people and the ripple effect, you know, what you have said here will, that's such an important story that will stick in people's minds and people will tell people will tell people because if we know and we trust, you trusted your body and nobody listened. But if we combine, if we can learn to trust our bodies combined with more education, combined with the experts getting more education and being strong enough to say, no, no, no. I do think that this. Is going to be something to do with menopause, and I want you to, to test for it and having that knowledge to be able to say, if you are not going to test for it, I want you to write in my notes that you've refused that because we are allowed to do that, but people don't know those things. So,

Carly Tait: 26:30

but women don't even know that you can have a blood test to test. Like, I'm like, oh, i'd of ordered that ages ago,

Sandie Roberts: 26:39

You know, I think from some of the symptoms you talked about, hormonal, hormonal changes can cause psychosis. You know, that you're talking about climbing out the wall, out the window and things. We, we, we are not told about that. That's, you know, women were just called witches and burning

Carly Tait: 27:01

asylums. You get in there, your

Sandie Roberts: 27:03

mum, hopefully, hopefully we're changing things.

Carly Tait: 27:08

And my partner, I think my partner literally has PTSD for living through that. I mean, obviously I, I trump with the lived experience, but sometimes he's dsays well, you can't really ignore what I went through. And I'm like, well, yeah, it's true, to be fair. Cause he had to watch me do stuff like this and somehow how experience.

Sandie Roberts: 27:29

So, but yes, thank you. Because of you telling your story like that, it's, that's how change happens. So thank you for, for sharing your truth. That's Carly. That has touched me very deeply.

Scott Whitney: 27:43

So that was Carly and a little bit of Sandie Roberts there as well. So that was Carly's story. That's Carly's lived experience of menopause. There's lots of women like Carly, like Sandy, like Michelle. and like Sarah, who, who will be on the podcast soon. Who have experienced menopause in many, many different ways that impact then day-to-day. Ways that impact their family. Potentially work and no business is being proactive and prepared enough to offer support of reasonable adjustments. Is that why? Women are retiring earlier than men. Because they're not supported through menopause. Is that why business leaders. Female business leaders. retired earlier, the men. So ask the question. Are we doing enough? Do we know enough? What else can we do? So this year, one of our, one of our commitments is, is to really understand menopause a lot more. We want to speak to different people about their lived experience. Want to share that with you? How we share that, whether it would just be on our YouTube channels or whether it will be on the podcast or combination. Yeah, that's that's, that's still open for the discussion. But it will be shared. And, and you will have the opportunity to listen to. So many, many stories and. And I think. I think it's really important. I think it's really important. So. Next week coming on the All4Inclusion Pod, I say next week it's being recorded in two days time. I've got the wonderful Michael Grimmett coming on. So, uh, so Michael's, uh, an amazing character. Um, There'll be lots of laughter. And, uh, And he's got a story or two to share. Um, I know some of them. Some of them. I just want to find out in a couple of days though. And again, share with you. So. Until next week. Thank you very much.